Parenting is hard, I get that, I understand it, and I embrace it. But, there’s a trend popping up between news articles and blogs. The trend seems to be venting about regrets of parenthood.
And, I’m infuriated with this idea; and even more sad for the children that are at the receiving end.
Okay, I’m not going to sit here and say that parenting is always peaches and cream. No. It’s difficult. It’s hard work. It’s challenging. It’s frustrating.
On the other hand, it’s rewarding. It’s fun. It’s truly an adventure. It’s incredible. It’s amazing.
And… it’s not for everyone.
Here’s the thing. There really is enough out there for people to get an idea of what parenthood is all about before they enter in to it. AND, it’s a CHOICE. A choice that once made, you have to give 150% to. But, to go around blogging about not being excited to have twins, or regretting motherhood, that’s just really not okay with me.
So, as I recently (as in the last couple of days) came across the articles I have linked above, I decided I wanted to talk about them. And because the articles are so vastly different in complaints, I’ll tackle them separately. Please, feel free to share your thoughts.
My Wife Is Expecting Twins & I’m Not Happy About It
If you have not read this article on Huffington Post, that came from Babble, you really should.
This dad explains what they went through to become pregnant, including three or four IUI attempts and then an IVF attempt where they became pregnant on the first try. During the IVF try, she received 2 embryos, and low and behold… TWINS!
He goes on to explain that they already have a son (who he identifies as “wonderful”), but they live in a one bedroom apartment.
Okay. SERIOUSLY! Who goes about trying to have a second child while still living in a one bedroom apartment with THREE people? Furthermore, with IVF, there is a huge chance of multiples, wasn’t this considered before trying to get pregnant? Who doesn’t think about these things.
But then there’s the icing on the cake.
My wife and I even both privately admitted that we don’t like the new children, which is of course insane.
Insane does not begin to even identify what hating unborn children is.
And I’m left thinking… why is this couple even parents?
I have walked a mile in the shoes of the woman wanting to be a mother, and then reading a story like this I think “why can idiots like this have a baby, but those desperate to become mothers cannot?” WHY?!?
As a twin mom, you know this goes a step further to really rub me the wrong way. Having twins is amazing. It’s truly a blessing. And this comes from someone who did not even consider that having twins were a possibility, and certainly did not try for it. When I look at them, I cannot imagine hating them, ever. More so, I certainly could not bring myself to write an article stating that I hate them. No way. Not happening. From the moment I learned it’s twins, I never once hated the idea. Scare the shit out of me? Absolutely. But, hate? NEVER.
The Mommy’s Curse
There are many blogs that write about the “horrors” of being a mom. I will admit freely, that some of the things they write about I think “how did that ever happen?” or wonder what they heck they are doing with their kids. But, see, the thing is, while I may laugh I don’t actually get it. People write about some crazy things their kids are doing and how stressful it is and I’m over here like “hey, my kid built a fort in the living room and now blankets have exploded all over the place.”
My house is not always clean. Somehow the kitchen is dirty 10 minutes after it’s been scrubbed down, and daily I feel the need to mop my floors but I don’t always get a chance to do it. With crawling boys, the floor needs vacuumed every single day, but I again, don’t always have time to do it.
Moments of feeling like I’m going to melt down are really few and far between. I struggle, daily, with getting the boys to go to sleep. Especially for the night. And when I’m doing it alone, it really is frustrating. Somehow, I seem to think that these women have this “hate” or “dislike” for their children because they don’t get enough breaks or someone helping. My job, with my kids, is 1,000 times easier when Joanne is home. And every couple of MONTHS, I look her and say “I need a moment to myself.” And without hesitation, I grab my car keys (and sometimes my laptop) and take off to Starbucks for a few hours. In just those few hours, I can come back feeling like a whole new mom.
Again, I get that it is frustrating.
But in this article, it seems to have a focus on the blog Scary Mommy in which women are quoted…
I spent most of yesterday’s car ride fantasizing about pulling the car over, kicking my two fighting kids out, and peeling the hell out of there while blasting some music and flipping them off.
How about this one…
In the shopping center today, I nearly dropped my 6-year-old off at the lost-children sign and pretended that he wasn’t mine. I know how bad that sounds, but his attitude was THAT BAD. And I am THAT TIRED.
To this I say, quit taking to the Internet, seek someone to talk to, and get a damn break. Having these thoughts about my kids would scare me for my own mental state. And, if someone I knew told me they were having these thoughts, I’d insist they bring their kids to me immediately and go get a break. But, talk about them, on the Internet, like it’s okay? Yeah, I just don’t think that it is.
Taking a step further… Here’s a tweet, from today.
Yes, I follow Scary Mommy, but again because I think it’s interesting that these women complain so much.
You know, I have taken hundreds of pictures of Zadey where she is not smiling, and would really rather not have me taking her picture. But I would still show it off because I see something beautiful about my child, even with a scowl. Why do we accept this kind of parenting, and feelings of parenting as the norm?
What do you think?
Are there too many mom bitch blogs? Is it acceptable for people to be sharing these thoughts, and have us treat it like the norm? Is it the norm and I am in a whole other category? What, exactly, am I missing here?